Satire Archives - Free Wood Post

Post Tagged with: "Satire"

17Jun
2013

CEO of Exxon Mobil Fights Keystone XL Opposition with Blank Checks

In an unprecedented move that has environmentalists and oil companies alike wide-eyed and mouth-agape, Exxon Mobil will be writing blank checks to congressmen in opposition to Keystone XL.

Continue Reading →

5Jun
2013

Michigan Man Starves To Death by Following One Too Many Food Safety Studies

Michigan’s Melvin Reginald Bartlett, starved to death yesterday after following one too studies on food safety. What did he discover and is any food safe?

Continue Reading →

23May
2013

“I Only Rescue Hotties!” Disney Princes in for Controversial Makeover

Disney and Abercrombie & Fitch have teamed up for a controversial and sexy new ‘Heartthrob Disney Prince’ line of merchandise and clothing.

Continue Reading →

13May
2013

Terrorists Behind Benghazi Upset That Republicans Keep Blaming It On Obama

Ansar al-Sharia, the militant Islamist and terrorist group linked to the attacks on the American Embassy in Benghazi, Libya, came out today to complain about all the blame going to President Obama instead of the group that actually murdered the Americans.

Continue Reading →

9May
2013

Obama Appoints Profane Sorority Girl Ambassador to North Korea

At Sunday’s press luncheon, President Obama introduced Julia Jacobs as the new U.S. Ambassador to North Korea. Julia, the University of Maryland student whose profanity-laced email to her sorority sisters went viral last month, may seem like an unusual choice. According to President Obama, “We needed to implement a new strategy in dealing with North Korea. While I am sure many will view this move as radical, I believe Julia’s creative use of the American dialect can help us send [...]

Continue Reading →

3May
2013

Arizona’s Gov. Brewer Announces Adopt-a-Gun Program

A Public Disservice Announcement: Somewhere in Phoenix, Arizona a lonely AK-47 awaits its execution. Feeling alone and unwanted, covered in dust and grime it gazes out into a future that it knows it will never see. Only four years old, this heartbroken AK-47 was abandoned by its owners at a “Turn in Your Gun” event. Its fate? Destruction. Soon it will have its very essence violently torn away by the hands of liberal heathens. The promise it once held, the [...]

Continue Reading →

30Apr
2013

Bush Presidential Library Steals Children’s Books from Local Schools

Librarians from public schools in Dallas, Texas have asked that the Bush Presidential Library return the tens of thousands of children’s books that were borrowed for last week’s opening. John Swift, head of the Library’s selection staff had the difficult task of filling the library’s shelves for a President who frankly “ doesn’t read ‘wordy books’ too much.” President Bush and Swift visited local schools to find books that represented the man and the Presidency. “We examined books with a wide [...]

Continue Reading →

23Apr
2013

Washington State Seeks Constitutional Amendment Banning Straight Marriage

In a surprising and controversial move, the Washington state legislature is considering an amendment to its constitution defining marriage as only existing between couples of the same sex. The amendment will be voted on in the November election and is currently polling at a tight 51%-49% in favor of the change. The New Marriage Amendment (N.M.A.) was first introduced by a non-profit organization called the Preservation of Marriage Coalition whose mission is to “preserve the sanctity of marriage”. However, during [...]

Continue Reading →

18Apr
2013

Senate Passes Historic Gun Reform Bill

Beginning immediately all buyers of both new and used water guns will have to undergo a comprehensive background check to ensure they have the mental stability to properly care for and use their weapons.

Continue Reading →

12Apr
2013