Post Tagged with: "rick perry"


With Election Around The Corner, Top GOP Officials Suggest Using Hologram Reagan For 2016

As the Republican primary gets closer and closer, and with so many still having their eyes set on the White House, top Republican officials are starting to get nervous.

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Rick Perry Forming Exploratory Committee to Locate and Retrieve Head From Rectal Cavity

  In what many are pointing to as related to a possible 2016 Presidential run, former Texas Governor Rick Perry has recently made quite a few speaking appearances throughout the country. But just recently, Perry has officially formed an exploratory committee to attempt to locate and retrieve his head from his rectal cavity. “We ran into some trouble last time around. Almost put my foot in my mouth… you know… if I had actually opened my mouth in time. But […]

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Governor Perry Closes All Borders To Texas Fearing “Ebola Terrorists”

In an unprecedented move Texas, Governor Rick Perry has ordered that all roads that lead in and out of Texas and all borders be closed. Massive fences have begun going up all around the state. In a press statement made this morning, the Governor expressed his fear that more Ebola terrorists might try to enter Texas. In an effort to save the good people of the Lone Star state, Perry had every border sealed. Texas currently holds the one known […]

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Rick Perry Reveals His Plan For Iraq

Not that anyone really asked him, but Governor Rick Perry (R-TX) has let the world know what he would do in regards to escalating violence in Iraq. “My idea is three-fold — First, I would leave my post as Governor of Texas and find the nearest phone booth. Which, quite honestly, is hard to do these days due to the popularity of mobile devices. Then I would tear open my shirt revealing my true identity as Super Perry, rip off […]

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Texas Creates ‘Revolutionary’ Alternative to Obamacare

Texas Governor Rick Perry has finally saddled up and presented a new alternative to Obamacare: “Perry Care”. Heal or no Heal starts this fall.

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Rick Perry: Religious Freedom Does Not Mean Freedom From Religion, Just the Bad Ones

Texas Governor Perry signed what has been dubbed the “Merry Christmas bill” into law. The legislation allows schools to display religious symbols such as Christmas trees and nativity scenes as long as at least one other religious image or secular icon is also included — so as long as Jesus is depicted.

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TEXAS: Chester Smarter Than Gov. Perry; Faces Execution June 12

“Texas has devised a nearly impossible standard for mental retardation. State Attorney General Greg Abbot explained, “If a person convicted of capital murder can whoop our esteemed governor in a debate, he’s smart enough to die for his crimes.”

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Rick Perry Says Marriage Definition Should Be Left Up To Bigoted States

“We have a thing that’s written into the Constitution that says states can make up their own minds about these kinds of things. Some states are just more loving and accepting.”

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Rick Perry Dashes Nation’s Hopes, Announces Texas Won’t Secede

A recent petition regarding Texas secession gathered tens of thousands of signatures on the White House website, though many are thought to have been from residents of other states. Later investigation also revealed that 35,000 of them were “Chuck Norris”.

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Rick Perry’s Campaign Derailed By Sleep Apnea, Colossal Stupidity, Says Recent Book

Author Root explains that Perry had undiagnosed sleep apnea, had taken painkillers for back surgery, and was suffering from chronic insomnia. But he cited Perry’s colossal stupidity as the real reason for his repeated gaffes.

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