Post Tagged with: "politics"


Trump: ‘Francis Better Watch Out Or I’ll Run For Pope’

“Before long, it’ll be known as Trumpican City, because I am Trump and I Can!”

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Fast Food Worker Refuses to Serve Overweight Customers Citing Religious Beliefs

“Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins and is an affront to the Lord. I cannot go against his teachings and enable people’s sinful lifestyle.”

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Obama’s Italian Coffee Addiction Exposes European Fascist Roots

This is clearly a time of great chaos—ISIS, Ebola, and now an American President with a foreign palate. President Obama sent conservatives into a rage earlier this week when he stepped off of Marine One, failing to put his coffee down before saluting the Marines who greeted him below. If it couldn’t get any worse, it did. Further evidence suggests that Obama was drinking foreign coffee. Reporters on the scene revealed that they received a strong whiff of dark aromatic […]

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Walmart Lowers Minimum Wage to $1 after Hobby Lobby Victory

Commencing immediately, Walmart is lowering the minimum wage of their 2.2 million employees to $1 per hour and permanently ending all health and retirement benefits. The CEO of Walmart, C. Douglas McMillon, made the announcement in a press conference just seconds after the Supreme Court of the United States handed down its controversial decision in Burwell v Hobby Lobby. The conservative court determined that for-profit corporations do not have to abide by the Affordable Care Act’s contraception coverage requirement if […]

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Republican Environmental Caucus Concedes Major Climate Issue: Rain is not in fact God’s Tears

The preponderance of scientific evidence has finally forced the conservative environmental caucus to concede one of the most divisive climate issues facing our nation. Conservative leaders now freely admit that rain is not the result of God’s tears. For years the scientific consensus is that rain is liquid water in the form of droplets that have condensed from atmospheric water vapor and then become heavy enough to fall due to gravity. However, many conservatives have preached that this is just […]

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Paul Ryan: “Food Stamps are Unnecessary, Trickle-Down Nutrition Works”

Speaking before yesterday’s weekly GOP luncheon at Le Petit Diable, Congressman Paul Ryan spoke about the rampant fraud within SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) and his desire to eliminate the program permanently: “Last week we cut $8.7 billion from the food stamp program falling well short of the $40 billion cut we requested. As a nation, we need to stop feeding the immorality and stomachs of the these inner-city leeches that use and abuse this program . Good, honest, hard-working […]

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Daniel Day-Lewis To Run As Lincoln in 2016

In a major challenge to the Washington establishment, Lincoln star Daniel Day-Lewis has announced he is staying in character and contesting the next presidential election with the full backing of Steven Spielberg and the Lincoln production team.

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Rep. Joe Walsh Seeks To Make Work Mandatory On Veterans Day

“Our brave soldiers have for generations sacrificed themselves for our right to work hard,” Walsh said. “And we celebrate that by not working? That just seems wrong to me.”

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Hillary Clinton’s Schedule Hacked

Every entry between Jan. 20th, 2013 through Jan. 20th, 2017 said, “Chillaxin’ Until I’m President!”

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TwinkieGate Investigator Probes Obama About Little Debbie Affair

Popular food-like snack company Hostess announced that they are ceasing production of their iconic treats. Shocked Americans demand answers! Is the post-election timing just a coincidence? Or is there a greater conspiracy brewing?

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