Post Tagged with: "mitt romney"


Sources Indicate Mitt Romney Is Still A Douchebag Despite Rumors To The Contrary

After speaking against Trump, many Americans were momentarily confused.

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Mitt Romney: I’m Desperately Trying To Stay Relevant

If there’s one person who can’t quit the political limelight, it’s Willard Mitt Romney, and recently in a sit-down interview with Free Wood Post he revealed why he must appear in every election cycle. “Well, to be honest, I’m doing it for my dad. I’m trying to finish what he started. I’m desperately trying to stay relevant. Coming around again every election cycle makes me feel important. As though people love me. I came so close last time. You saw […]

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Mitt Romney: I Never Ran For President

It seems the 47 percent remarks aren’t the only thing Mitt Romney forgot doing. He is also denying ever running for president altogether. “I don’t understand why everyone keeps asking me about how life after running for president is,” said Romney to Free Wood Post in an exclusive interview. “When did I run for president? Why would I run for president? That’s the worst job in the nation. The crap the person in that role has to put up with […]

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TwinkieGate Investigator Probes Obama About Little Debbie Affair

Popular food-like snack company Hostess announced that they are ceasing production of their iconic treats. Shocked Americans demand answers! Is the post-election timing just a coincidence? Or is there a greater conspiracy brewing?

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Humbled GOP Decides It Must Do A Better Job Hiding Its Shitty Positions

Questions were raised as to whether the party’ platform and positions were out of step with the majority of modern Americans and appeals were made to choose positions that were more in line with a modern democracy of enlightened citizens. These were soundly rejected in favor of just doing a better job obscuring their awful positions.

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Billy Graham Quietly Adds Mormonism Back To Cult List

A week after his controversial pre-election removal of Mormonism from a list of cults on the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association web site, it has been quietly added back.

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GOP: “God Must be Dead”

“So I really don’t think this was God’s plan. He is simply not that cruel. There’s got to be another explanation– so the only answer is that sadly, there must no longer be a God.”

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Limbaugh: Obama Destroyed An Entire Industry Seconds After “Winning” Election

Rush Limbaugh spent three hours of his radio program this morning blaming President Barack Obama for immediately destroying an entire industry just seconds after winning the election Tuesday night.

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Exit Polls Show Republicans Hurt By Things That Make Them Look Like Dickheads

2012 Presidential exit polls across the United States convincingly show that the country overwhelmingly rejected the Republican party in large part due to their vocal positions which make them look like dickheads.

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