Post Tagged with: "jesus"


Betsy DeVos Bans “Teaching” in Classrooms

During the press conference DeVos stated, “Learning needs be better. This less confusing for students. Enlightening good. Jesus good. Trump good. Goodbye.”

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Trump Bashes Jesus: I’ll Be Able To Save You Without Some Silly Cross

Most of us already knew that Republican presidential frontrunner Donald Trump was already a narcissistic egomaniac, but what he recently said at the Faith and Freedom conference may have officially crossed the line.

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Ben Carson: ‘I’m More Persecuted Than Jesus’

In yet another Ben Carson shocker; the presidential candidate declared that he feels he is more persecuted than Jesus.

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Ben Carson: ‘Jesus Was The First Founding Father To Sign The Declaration Of Independence’

Appearing on Fox News recently, Republican candidate Dr. Ben Carson was talking about his plans for the nation if he were to become president.

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Jesus Christ To Boycott Indiana Over New Anti-Gay Law

After the anti-gay “religious freedom” law was signed by Indiana Gov. Mike Pence (R) many celebrities, organizations, businesses and even cities have spoken out against the law and are boycotting Indiana. Many are fed up with the legalized discrimination, but none more so than the biggest celebrity of all — the Son of God. Jesus recently spoke with Free Wood Post regarding the new Indiana law. “They say they are in favor of religious freedom, but I’m not sure which religion […]

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Jesus Saves — By Switching To Geico

Early on Tuesday, Jesus, formerly of Nazareth, went on Google to figure out  ways he could save people today, and then thought to himself, “What about me? I’d like to save too.” So upon one Google search he noticed a link that said, “Save 15% by switching to Geico,” and Jesus knew this would be his chance to save himself bigtime. He went to the Geico website and plugged in all the pertinent information and clicked “submit.” Low and behold, […]

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Walmart Lowers Minimum Wage to $1 after Hobby Lobby Victory

Commencing immediately, Walmart is lowering the minimum wage of their 2.2 million employees to $1 per hour and permanently ending all health and retirement benefits. The CEO of Walmart, C. Douglas McMillon, made the announcement in a press conference just seconds after the Supreme Court of the United States handed down its controversial decision in Burwell v Hobby Lobby. The conservative court determined that for-profit corporations do not have to abide by the Affordable Care Act’s contraception coverage requirement if […]

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Largest Fossil Bed Ever Discovered Lies Directly Beneath Creationist Museum

PETERSBURG, KY — During excavation to extend their parking lot, Creationist Museum workers ran into a rather large problem. A backhoe ran into a huge bone that could not be moved. News of the find spread quickly despite museum executive director Ken Ham’s attempt to remove the bone without letting outsiders hear of the discovery. University of Kentucky paleontologist Prof. Raymond Stiles was the first non-creationist scientist on the scene. Initial carbon dating places the fossil at approximately 250 million […]

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Jesus Depressed After Only Getting Birthday/Christmas Combo Gifts From Friends And Relatives

Well, another birthday has come and gone for Jesus Christ, and it goes without saying he’s a little sad he only got birthday/Christmas combo gifts from friends and family. “You’d think I’d be used to it by now,” said Jesus. “However, year after year I wish people would recognize that I want birthday gifts and Christmas presents. I mean, if I were born in June I’d be getting two sets of gifts. It’s just not fair. I don’t want people […]

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Limbaugh: Freeloading Kids Asking for Handouts on Mall Christmas Trees

On his last radio show yesterday, Rush Limbaugh went on a lengthy rant about a horrifying new practice that his production team has discovered is sweeping the country. “This is disgusting. This is way worse than ‘the knockout game.’ You’re not going to believe this, but there are children, all across this great country of America, who have systematically infiltrated shopping malls…and I know you probably don’t know this…but this is why we do the show…they’ve systematically infiltrated shopping malls […]

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