Post Tagged with: "election"


Ben Carson: I Chose To Be Straight

It’s not often a presidential hopeful is this open and honest when discussing sexual orientation, but Dr. Ben Carson isn’t your ordinary candidate.

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Romney’s Poverty Solution: Just Sweep Them Under The Rug

According to Mitt Romney who wouldn’t admit income inequality existed back in 2012, income inequality is one of the worst problems in the United States. Well, to keep in line with his previous views of the bottom 47% he deems moochers, he’s come up with a plan to get rid of income inequality once and for all — sweep them under the rug. In an exclusive interview with Free Wood Post Romney said: “You see, income inequality doesn’t have to […]

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American Voters: Things Were Getting Too Good, Time To Crash The Economy Again

After six years of lowering the deficit, giving millions of people access to health care, ending two wars, getting Bin Laden, 55 straight months of private sector job growth, the stock market at record highs, gas prices dropping, marriage equality spreading across the nation, etc. many Americans decided things were getting too good. “All I could think over the past year was, whoa America, slow your roll!” said Hank from North Carolina. “I mean, how long can this success last? […]

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Chelsea Clinton’s Baby Already Frontrunner in 2052 Election

If there’s one thing Americans seem to love, it’s dynasties. From Bush to Clinton to Duck. As the news of Chelsea Clinton’s baby hit the newswire, it only took Democrats a hot minute to have the baby in the running for the 2052 presidential election. Liberals are certain that whether a boy or a girl, that baby will be a tremendous leader. Linda Goodington of Melrose, MA said, “that baby will be a natural born leader. I mean, look at […]

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Paul Ryan To Impeach Obama For Defeating Mitt Romney In 2012

With outrage over President Obama’s use of his Constitutionally legal executive privileges, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) has plans to impeach the president. “The president is using the powers granted to him, and he shouldn’t be using them, because he shouldn’t be president,” said Paul Ryan in an exclusive interview with Free Wood Post. “Mitt Romney should be president and using all the executive powers, not Obama, and I should be Vice President. I don’t care if Article 2 of the […]

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GOP Puts Phil Robertson As Lead Contender For Oval Office In 2016

Amidst the controversy regarding the suspension of Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson after his homophobic remarks, the GOP, never failing to be the opportunistic lovers of bigotry that they are, think they may have finally found their candidate for 2016. “He’s perfect,” said RNC Chair Reince Priebus. “Just look at all the love from conservatives and media attention he is receiving. He’ll undoubtedly give any Democratic candidate a run for their money. He’s adored by millions. Millions who share his hatred […]

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Trump Pretending To Think About Running For Office Again

In a phone interview with Fox News’s “Fox & Friends” Monday, Donald Trump spoke about possibly running for governor of New York against incumbent Andrew Cuomo. “This is something that just came up and I am strongly considering it, ” said the real estate aficionado. “It’s not what I was planning on doing, but millions upon millions of people have been begging me to rescue the state from the disaster it’s in. I’ve heard some people talking that the state […]

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Mitt Romney: I Never Ran For President

It seems the 47 percent remarks aren’t the only thing Mitt Romney forgot doing. He is also denying ever running for president altogether. “I don’t understand why everyone keeps asking me about how life after running for president is,” said Romney to Free Wood Post in an exclusive interview. “When did I run for president? Why would I run for president? That’s the worst job in the nation. The crap the person in that role has to put up with […]

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GOP Reportedly Assessing “One-Eyed Willy” Presidential Ticket

A small group of Congressional Republicans held a brief press conference Friday to announce formal consideration of Willy (last name unknown) for the next election’s ticket and unveil the campaign slogan “Never Say Die.”

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Rove on the Run

After a dismal election season and on air meltdown on election night, Karl Rove believes the Republican Party, in collusion with contributors to his Super PACs have put a hit out on him.

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