9May
2013

Obama Appoints Profane Sorority Girl Ambassador to North Korea

Obama Appoints Profane Sorority Girl Ambassador to North Korea

At Sunday’s press luncheon, President Obama introduced Julia Jacobs as the new U.S. Ambassador to North Korea. Julia, the University of Maryland student whose profanity-laced email to her sorority sisters went viral last month, may seem like an unusual choice. According to President Obama, “We needed to implement a new strategy in dealing with North Korea. While I am sure many will view this move as radical, I believe Julia’s creative use of the American dialect can help us send [...]

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8May
2013

Sarah Palin To Run For President — Of Own Fan Club

Sarah Palin To Run For President — Of Own Fan Club

Sarah Palin is no stranger to being her own publicist and making sure she gets as much attention as possible at all times no matter good or bad, but it seems the former governor of Alaska would like to take over the reins of her own fan club.

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May 8, 2013

NRA: Two-Year-Old Gun Victim Should Have Been Armed

NRA:  Two-Year-Old Gun Victim Should Have Been Armed

The tragic death of a two-year old Kentucky girl who was shot and killed by her five-year old brother outside their Burkesville home last week could have been easily prevented, according to the NRA.

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May 8, 2013

“Stop Blaming Hitler!” Says Neo-Nazi Group

“Stop Blaming Hitler!” Says Neo-Nazi Group

Secretive neo-Nazi and white supremacist group “You Can Nazi Us” released a statement yesterday, protesting historical objections to Adolf Hitler and his impact upon the history of Nazi Germany during the World War II era.

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May 8, 2013

Mark Sanford Looking Forward To More Taxpayer Funded Affairs

Mark Sanford Looking Forward To More Taxpayer Funded Affairs

During an interview after winning South Carolina’s first district, Mark Sanford revealed some of his plans for his future in Congress as well as in his own personal life.

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May 5, 2013

NRA President Jim Porter: “It’s Only A Matter Of Time Before We Can Own Colored People Again”

NRA President Jim Porter: “It’s Only A Matter Of Time Before We Can Own Colored People Again”

It seems new National Rifle Association President (NRA) president Jim Porter may have found himself in a bit of hot water.

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May 5, 2013

Deceased Guitarist Hanneman Kills Dozens, Maims Hundreds En Route To Damnation

Deceased Guitarist Hanneman Kills Dozens, Maims Hundreds En Route To Damnation

Authorities across the nether regions of hell are still searching for answers in the wake of a brutal multiple homicide perpetrated by recently deceased Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman, reports alleged Sunday.

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May 3, 2013

Arizona’s Gov. Brewer Announces Adopt-a-Gun Program

Arizona’s Gov. Brewer Announces Adopt-a-Gun Program

A Public Disservice Announcement: Somewhere in Phoenix, Arizona a lonely AK-47 awaits its execution. Feeling alone and unwanted, covered in dust and grime it gazes out into a future that it knows it will never see. Only four years old, this heartbroken AK-47 was abandoned by its owners at a “Turn in Your Gun” event. Its fate? Destruction. Soon it will have its very essence violently torn away by the hands of liberal heathens. The promise it once held, the [...]

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May 2, 2013

The NRA Has Declared Itself a Religion, Gun-Worshippers Rejoice

The NRA Has Declared Itself a Religion, Gun-Worshippers Rejoice

Since they already hold non-profit status as and educational group the switch to religious affiliation will be rather seamless.

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May 1, 2013

House Acts Quickly To Fight Sequestration Cuts That Reduce Their Time Not Doing Anything

House Acts Quickly To Fight Sequestration Cuts That Reduce Their Time Not Doing Anything

An emergency session of Congress was held late Wednesday afternoon as representatives from all over the nation flew back to take an emergency vote regarding new sequestration cuts.

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CEO of Exxon Mobil Fights Keystone XL Opposition with Blank Checks

June 17, 2013
CEO of Exxon Mobil Fights Keystone XL Opposition with Blank Checks

In an unprecedented move that has environmentalists and oil companies alike wide-eyed and mouth-agape, Exxon Mobil will be writing blank checks to congressmen in opposition to Keystone XL.

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NBA: All Homophobic Tweets Must First Be Cleared By Jason Collins

June 4, 2013
NBA: All Homophobic Tweets Must First Be Cleared By Jason Collins

In the wake of Indiana Pacers star Roy Hibbert’s post-game comments which included what many have interpreted as homophobic in nature, the NBA is instituting a new policy.

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Michigan Man Starves To Death by Following One Too Many Food Safety Studies

June 5, 2013
Michigan Man Starves To Death by Following One Too Many Food Safety Studies

Michigan’s Melvin Reginald Bartlett, starved to death yesterday after following one too studies on food safety. What did he discover and is any food safe?

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Jackson Family to Restore Neverland Ranch for Underprivileged Young Children — Mostly Boys

June 17, 2013
Jackson Family to Restore Neverland Ranch for Underprivileged Young Children — Mostly Boys

Neverland Ranch has been neglected since the tragic death of music legend Michael Jackson in 2009, but his family thinks it’s time for a change.

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