Archive for Category: "Sports"


Missing All The Negative Attention On Him, Tom Brady Tries New Haircut

I’m supposed to be the most hated in the league.

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Lakers Players Excited They May Actually Get A Chance To Touch The Ball Next Season

“With Kobe gone, this is our moment.”

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New Evidence Suggests Tom Brady Ate His Wheaties Morning Of AFC Championship

With the news of New England Patriots’ footballs being insignificantly deflated in the AFC Championship against the Indianapolis Colts starting to dwindle in the media, a new startling allegation has been made known. ESPN is reporting Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady has been accused of performance enhancing. New evidence suggests the star QB ate his Wheaties the morning of the game. “This is outrageous!” said Seattle Seahawks Cornerback Richard Sherman. “Who’s to say he’s not going to eat Wheaties again before […]

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NFL Tax Exempt Status Explained: Football Recognized As Religion In USA

For years, many have wondered why the National Football League (NFL) receives a tax exempt status. All of the teams are for-profit entities, but the NFL seems to get away with being, somehow, nonprofit. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell explained in an exclusive interview with Free Wood Post that the reason the NFL is categorized as a not-for-profit is because football is a religion in the United States. “Football is a sacred sport in here. It’s a religion. People have dedicated […]

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ESPN Gives Play-By-Play Of Michael Sam Brushing His Teeth

ESPN has been very detailed lately regarding the daily hygiene habits of St. Louis Rams defensive end Michael Sam. Recently, ESPN has let us know when Sam showers, and now we’re getting the play-by-play of his dental routine. According to Josina Anderson of SportsCenter, he brushes his teeth at least twice per day. “I’m standing outside the home of St. Louis Rams defensive end Michael Sam and receiving word that after the football player woke up he made a brilliant […]

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Jeter Sharing Groupie Legacy With Younger Players

Retiring New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter is taking time out of his retirement tour to help up-and-coming players effectively deal with groupies that are attracted to professional athletes. Speaking to players for the Brockton Rox, a summer league team comprised of collegiate players, Jeter advised players on helpful hints such as having a trusted aide to drive the groupies home the next morning, providing them with autographed baseballs, and making sure groupies don’t bring smartphones into the bedroom. “He […]

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LeBron James To Become His Own Team, ‘Answer To No One’

There’s been a lot of speculation as to where basketball star and champion LeBron James will end up next now that he is a free agent and no longer wants to continue on with the team that’s provided his glory. Well, the wait is over, and James is taking the ball into his own court (pun intended). He’s decided to become a one man show and form his own team, the King James Pioneers. James will of course design the […]

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Football Player Flaunts Sexual Orientation On Live Television

AJ McCarron didn’t seem to care that television cameras were on him when he decided to flaunt his heterosexual relationship with Katherine Webb. “All of a sudden they were making out,” said ESPN viewer Roger Jellyton. “I couldn’t believe my eyes, and my children were in the room. How was I supposed to explain what they were seeing? What, that it’s OK for two people who love each other to kiss in a moment of joy and celebration? Ugh. What […]

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CONFIRMED: Universal Health Coverage Helps Win Gold Medals

SOCHI, RUSSIA — Up until the last 4 minutes of the women’s hockey final it looked as though the United States had the gold medal wrapped up and ready to be taken back home. However, due to what can only be assumed as the medical condition choking, the U.S. started to lose their grip of Olympic triumph. Their opponent, Canada, due to the universal health coverage in their nation, was able to avoid the medical condition of choking. In fact, […]

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Chris Christie Offers Traffic Advice For Superbowl

Chris Christie, although embroiled in a massive scandal over his administration’s closure of the most heavily used bridge in the country, including wall-to-wall media coverage and a growing  US Attorney’s investigation, Chris Christie is offering traffic advice for the Superbowl. Chris Christie, a Cowboys fan, wants to help Seahawks and Broncos fans Seeing as Chris Christie is a huge Dallas Cowboys fan and that they missed the playoffs, he wants to give a little payback to the Denver Broncos. The Denver […]

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