Archive for Category: "Marketplace"


Red Bull Sued As People Complain They Never Sprouted Wings

It appears Red Bull has gotten themselves into a sticky situation, and not just their product spilling all over the floor of some bar somewhere. Several consumers of the energy drink are upset because they never sprouted wings post-consumption as the product suggests in all advertising. “I really wanted to fly like a bird,” said Tiffany Crumple of Florida. “I drank a good twelve gallons of the stuff, stood in front of the mirror and nothing. I waited for days […]

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Breaking News: Apple Announces Another Exciting Product

Just yesterday Apple announced, to much hype , the long anticipated iPhone 6, the even bigger iPhone 6 Plus, and the Apple Watch. Apple was applauded for making phones bigger and coming up with the totally original phone/watch. Now, Apple can join the ranks of LG, Motorola, Sumsung and Android, who have had smart-watches for years. Then today, another stunning announcement — This one didn’t generate the months of anticipation and hype but it will surely turn the technology world […]

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File under Bizarre: Always Maxi Pads Now in Pumpkin Spice Scent

Just in time for Fall, Always brand feminine pads, you know the one with wings, is coming out with a new scented line of products.

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Things Just Got Real: Gov. Shutdown Has Stopped Production of Beer

This was just too much to take for many Americans. Doug Hoffmeister of Wisconsin had this to say, “This is football season. You don’t f#%k with my beer during football season.

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McDonald’s Defense: ‘Connective Tissue McNuggets’ Tested Poorly in Focus Groups

McDonald’s Corporation has come under fire in recent days for selling “chicken” McNuggets which contain less than 50% actual meat, with the rest being composed of fat, blood vessels, nerve, connective tissue, and ground bone.

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Barilla Tries To Appease The Gay Community With Penis Pasta

With his bottom line plummeting, Barilla has come up with a crazy and rather insulting idea to get LGBT buyers back. He is making penis shaped pasta.

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Apple Unveils Plan To Push Existing iPhone Users To Competitors

Phil Schiller, Apple’s senior vice president of Worldwide Marketing helped reveal their plan to push all their iPhone customers to existing competitors.

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Businesses Excited To Blame Their Apathy On Obamacare

CORPORATE, AMERICA — It seems many corporations throughout the United States are ecstatic about the Affordable Care Act. For years they’ve had to be soulless entities that only care about the bottom line, and they’ve had to do so under the guise of being greedy and uncaring. However, now they found a new scapegoat in the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. Now instead of paying living wages at full time hours they have found a way to “trim the […]

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Kids Say ‘F#ck This Bullsh!t’ On News Of Kid’s Meal Elimination

Children across America are not reacting favorably to recent decisions by some national restaurant chains, most recently Taco Bell, to eliminate “kid’s meals” and their associated toy.

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Michigan Man Starves To Death by Following One Too Many Food Safety Studies

Michigan’s Melvin Reginald Bartlett, starved to death yesterday after following one too studies on food safety. What did he discover and is any food safe?

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