Almost News

“Stop Blaming Hitler!” Says Neo-Nazi Group

May 8, 2013
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“Stop Blaming Hitler!” Says Neo-Nazi Group

Secretive neo-Nazi and white supremacist group "You Can Nazi Us" released a statement yesterday, protesting historical objections to Adolf Hitler and his impact upon the history of Nazi Germany during the World War II era.

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Mark Sanford Looking Forward To More Taxpayer Funded Affairs

May 8, 2013
By
"mark" "sanford" "congress" "affair" "argentina" "GOP" "republican" "cheater"

During an interview after winning South Carolina's first district, Mark Sanford revealed some of his plans for his future in Congress as well as in his own personal life.

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NRA President Jim Porter: “It’s Only A Matter Of Time Before We Can Own Colored People Again”

May 5, 2013
By
"NRA" "Jim" "Porter" "Northern" "Aggression" "colored" "people" "civil" "war" "racism" "racist"

It seems new National Rifle Association President (NRA) president Jim Porter may have found himself in a bit of hot water.

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Deceased Guitarist Hanneman Kills Dozens, Maims Hundreds En Route To Damnation

May 5, 2013
By
Slayer

Authorities across the nether regions of hell are still searching for answers in the wake of a brutal multiple homicide perpetrated by recently deceased Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman, reports alleged Sunday.

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Arizona’s Gov. Brewer Announces Adopt-a-Gun Program

May 3, 2013
By
gun

A Public Disservice Announcement: Somewhere in Phoenix, Arizona a lonely AK-47 awaits its execution. Feeling alone and unwanted, covered in dust and grime it gazes out into a future that it knows it will never see. Only four years old, this heartbroken AK-47 was abandoned by its owners at a “Turn in Your Gun” event.…

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The NRA Has Declared Itself a Religion, Gun-Worshippers Rejoice

May 2, 2013
By
"Church" "NRA" "Religion"

Since they already hold non-profit status as and educational group the switch to religious affiliation will be rather seamless.

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House Acts Quickly To Fight Sequestration Cuts That Reduce Their Time Not Doing Anything

May 1, 2013
By
"sequester" "sequestration" "FAA" "vote" "Congress"

An emergency session of Congress was held late Wednesday afternoon as representatives from all over the nation flew back to take an emergency vote regarding new sequestration cuts.

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Bush Tears Up at Presidential Library Dedication as He Fondly Recalls Days of Waterboarding

May 1, 2013
By
"Bush" "library" "waterboarding" "opening"

"What’s that? It’s illegal? What, the waterboarding? Well, I asked my lawyer if it was illegal, and he said that it was. But he also said that fixing an election was illegal, and since I got away with that, I figured, 'What the hell?'

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BREAKING: Wal-Mart To Begin Selling Small Countries

May 1, 2013
By
WalmartCountries

Retail giant Wal-Mart unveiled plans Thursday to add the sale and distribution of small, underdeveloped countries to its product line, a move hailed by investors as both "brilliant" and "utterly inevitable."

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Bush Presidential Library Steals Children’s Books from Local Schools

April 30, 2013
By
bushbook

  Librarians from public schools in Dallas, Texas have asked that the Bush Presidential Library return the tens of thousands of children’s books that were borrowed for last week’s opening. John Swift, head of the Library’s selection staff had the difficult task of filling the library’s shelves for a President who frankly “ doesn’t read ‘wordy books’…

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