Executives from Disney and Abercrombie and Fitch were on hand yesterday to reveal a new line called “The Heartthrob Disney Prince”. Recently, more than 230,000 people signed a petition asking Disney to stop the overtly sexual changes to the character Merida from the movie Brave. Complete with a plunging neckline, heaving breasts and a waist so small it is a wonder she doesn’t tip over, Disney’s new Merida seems to have ditched her bow and her independent personality for makeup and a boob job. After listening to the concerns of parents, Disney responded quickly by saying that it would make every effort to completely ignore parents’ concerns. Stunned by the backlash, Disney executives are hoping this new and soon to be controversial line of Heartthrob Disney Princes will show that they are an equal opportunity company that makes sex objects of both prince and princesses alike. The new Disney heartthrob line is set to be released early next month and will be available through The Disney Store as well as through a clothing line carried exclusively by Abercrombie & Fitch. Yesterday, a spokesperson for the beleaguered apparel store stated, “We have received a lot of criticism because of honest comments [...]

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At Sunday’s press luncheon, President Obama introduced Julia Jacobs as the new U.S. Ambassador to North Korea. Julia, the University of Maryland student whose profanity-laced email to her sorority sisters went viral last month, may seem like an unusual choice. According to President Obama, “We needed to implement a new strategy in dealing with North Korea. While I am sure many will view this move as radical, I believe Julia’s creative use of the American dialect can help us send the right message to Kim Jong-un.” Julia spent most of the luncheon texting, giving only occasional glances of disgust at the surrounding media and politicians. After the meal she took questions from the press: Reporter- “Miss Jacobs, were you surprised that President Obama reached out to you to deal with such a sensitive issue as North Korea?” Julia- “Surprised? Why the fuck would I be surprised. Look, you may not like his fucking choice, but frankly I don’t give a flying fuck. My President asked for my help and I answered the fucking call. If Congress were half as fucking responsible as I am, serious shit would be getting done. Was I surprised? The only one who is going to [...]

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