Archive for Category: "Almost News"


Trump Giving Lincoln Bedroom To Putin To Streamline U.S. Takeover By Russia

JUST IN.

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Trump Vows to Send Statue of Liberty Back to France

“Just don’t worry about it….We have to be tough, it’s time we’re going to be a little bit tough, folks. I am going to build a new Statue of Liberty. It’s going to be bigger. So big. So big they can see it in Iran. And I’m gonna have a new model. A gorgeous girl.”

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Betsy DeVos Bans “Teaching” in Classrooms

During the press conference DeVos stated, “Learning needs be better. This less confusing for students. Enlightening good. Jesus good. Trump good. Goodbye.”

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Trump Signs Executive Order to Sell Grand Canyon

Trump spoke about his decision: “The parks are mine now and I can do with them what I like. What’s best for the country. This is a great day. Wonderful. Tons of jobs. Tons. There’s going to be money falling from the skies because of this.”

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Politifact Declares ‘Pants on Fire’ to Trump’s statement: ‘You know, I’m, like, a smart person.’

According to a Politifact spokesperson it took only 30 seconds to confer the verdict, ‘Pants on Fire’ as well as award Trump the 2016 Lie of the Year award.

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Duck Dynasty Cancelled After Robertsons Accept Roles Within Trump Administration

Everything is moving forward just as we expected.

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Hillary To Seat Random Stranger From Local Applebees In Front Row Of Debate

“If Trump thinks he can be random with Obama’s half-brother, you just wait and see what I’ve got up my sleeve.”

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Trump FURIOUS ‘Rigged’ Media Has Audacity To Report Words Coming Directly From His Mouth

With Donald Trump dramatically falling in the polls daily, especially after tape came out where he admitted to sexually assaulting women, he doesn’t seem to know what to do. In an effort to combat the narrative that he is a sexual predator, because he is, Trump is now going after the media, claiming the election is “rigged” against him. Sitting down with Free Wood Post, Trump explained: “The media is rigging this election against me! It’s totally biased and unfair. […]

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Trump To Seat Four Women He Hasn’t Sexually Assaulted In Front Row Of Next Debate

In another move aimed directly at Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton’s campaign, Republican nominee Donald Trump plans to seat four women he’s never sexually assaulted in the front row of the next Presidential debate October 19th in Las Vegas. Pundits are calling the move a slap in the face to Clinton and a direct repudiation of the narrative that he’s an aggressive sexual predator. Appearing at the debate with an entire slate of four women whom he has never sexually […]

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Target Easing Fears Of Sexual Assault With New Trump-Only Bathrooms

Target is investing millions of dollars nationally to ease the public’s fears of sexual assault in its restrooms.

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