Articles By: E G


Obama’s Italian Coffee Addiction Exposes European Fascist Roots

This is clearly a time of great chaos—ISIS, Ebola, and now an American President with a foreign palate. President Obama sent conservatives into a rage earlier this week when he stepped off of Marine One, failing to put his coffee down before saluting the Marines who greeted him below. If it couldn’t get any worse, it did. Further evidence suggests that Obama was drinking foreign coffee. Reporters on the scene revealed that they received a strong whiff of dark aromatic […]

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Amidst Recalls — FDA Announces ‘Safe Food’ List

After a recent flurry of food recalls, the FDA has decided that it would be easier to release a list of foods that are deemed safe. This move comes after people across the nation learned that their beef and water was full of E. Coli (in simple terms–sh-t), and the hummus on their pitas, the walnuts in their cookies, and the brussel sprouts on their sandwiches were contaminated. In regards to this list, the FDA released the following statement: “Going forward, we will […]

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Bush Claims ‘Affluenza’ Caused Him to Enter Iraq

It appears George W. Bush still does not regret the Iraq war, however, he has found a new reason as to why he made that fateful decision–affluenza. During a recent interview on Fox News, host Chris Wallace asked former President George W. Bush whether or not he regretted his decision to send troops into Iraq.  The former President’s response was both candid and shocking. BUSH: Well, Chris, as the decider I had to make hard decisions while in office.  I  never […]

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University of Phoenix To Launch One-Day Bachelor’s Degrees

Move over four-year colleges and universities. The for-profit University of Phoenix is preparing to launch one-day accelerated online degree programs. Ever sat around and pondered why you have to put in an average of four years to get a bachelor’s degree? Do you have to go to class and learn for THAT long? Just think—you could sit at home eating cheese puffs and before you’re even half way done with the bag, you could be half way done with your […]

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BREAKING NEWS: Rush Limbaugh Announces 2016 Candidacy for President

Sources close to Limbaugh revealed that he is in close communication with the Koch brothers and hopes to secure funding. The 2016 race seems like a long way away, but Limbaugh hopes to stir up media buzz now in an attempt to attract large donors, organize and push forward.

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Can’t be gay to eat at Chick-fil-A: Company introduces sexual orientation screenings and Biblical menu

It’s already a widely known fact that the food chain openly donates to anti-gay groups and organizations fighting gay marriage. However, an extra step is being taken to assure that gays and lesbians stay far away from the food chain in general.

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Bloomberg Won’t Stop at Soda — Gum Ban Being Proposed

After unleashing a large soda ban in New York City, Mayor Michael Bloomberg is seeking to ban packs of gum that exceed seven pieces.

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Bristol Palin Cast As Log Cabin Republican for Next Season’s Glee

Bristol Palin may make negative comments regarding the show Glee, however, it didn’t stop her from signing a contract to appear in a few episodes next season.  As you may recall, Bristol decided to blame Glee for shaping Obama’s acceptance of gay marriage. The web exploded with backlash, defending the famed show.  Even cast members Lea Michele and Amber Riley took to their Twitter accounts to commend President Obama for supporting gay marriage, emphasizing that “Glee supports Obama.” Well, in […]

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Romney Campaign Leak: Embrace Rap to Attract Black Voters

Sources close to the Romney campaign recently leaked that Romney would profess his appreciation for rap music and make references to rappers as a strategy to attract African-American voters.

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“Switzerland is a little b-tch”–Tea Party Congressional freshman’s response to Swiss neutrality

On Tuesday, GOP members of the Committee on Foreign Affairs brought up the neutrality of Switzerland while discussing U.S. involvement in Afghanistan and threats from Iran and North Korea.

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