Thursday evening, the mysterious hacker collective known as Anonymous hacked the main database for the Internal Revenue Service. The group appeared to have a singular target — Republican Presidential contender Donald Trump. Though Trump has been criticized by both parties for his failure to produce his tax returns, he has consistently refused to do so saying, “You don’t learn anything from a tax return.” After hacking Mitt Romney’s tax returns in 2012, Anonymous clearly believes that knowledge and transparency are important to the public.
The Anonymous attack successfully retrieved 12-years worth of Trump’s tax returns and published them without permission on more than a hundred top websites. The majority of the sites removed the returns within minutes, however it was too late to completely protect the candidate’s already tainted image. We at Free Wood Post were able to examine Trump’s 2012 tax return and found that he had good reason to fear its release. Between his shocking tax rate and his bizarre itemized deductions this will surely add to the ever-increasing questions as to his suitability to be President.
Trump campaign spokeswoman Katrina Pierson stated last week that “there has been no year in which Trump paid zero taxes”. In 2012, this was true. He earned $37,746,530, far less that the $400+ million he claims. His final tax burden? Trump didn’t pay $0 in taxes, he actually received a tax refund of $7,832,224. That’s right, he cashed in a 7.8-million dollar tax refund. Recently, Trump stated that “I fight like hell to pay as little as possible.” So, how did Trump “earn” a tax refund? According to his return, he had approximately $37,743,000 in itemized deductions. In addition to massive business write-offs for legal fees relating to his fraudulent Trump “University” and fraudulent real estate transactions, Trump had other more unusual deductions.
Trump’s deductions ranged from $118,923 for “Tribble Hair Services” to a $3.8 million dollar write-off for “Anal Bleaching” both listed as an “image expense.” He also made numerous charitable contributions to places like The National Association for the Advancement of White Men and the Trump Fund which provides financial and emotional assistance to wealthy men going through divorce. The Trump family also paid salaries to their numerous employees including, eight chauffeurs, two yacht captains, four pilots for their private jets, two professional dog walkers, one full-time “Tribble stylist” and perhaps most unusual of all a “live-in Hillary Clinton Impressionist” supposedly used for “debate prep”. Of course given the sordid details revealed about Trump’s “Favorite Fantasy Scenario” in the Ashley Madison hack, he likely has other uses for the unfortunate impressionist.
In addition to his bizarre proclivities, Trump also deducted health related expenses. These included $1,843,000 for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for a condition termed “Pseudologia fantastica” also known as Compulsive Liar Syndrome. Additionally, he claimed $3,141,816 for the treatment of “Extreme Narcissistic Personality Disorder.” The combination of these two psychological issues may explain a lot about Trump’s antics. According to noted Psychiatrist Dr. Bryan King, “Pathological liars seem utterly sincere about their lies, but if confronted with facts to the contrary, will often just as sincerely reverse their story.” According to Politifact, a news organization that researches the veracity of politician’s statements, only 2% of Trump’s examined statements were found to be completely true. Add that to the extreme case of N.P.D. and you have a man with a God Complex who will say and do anything without hesitation or remorse.
While the 2012 tax return only gives us a brief glimpse into the life of Donald Trump, it is unlikely that the other 12-years worth of returns would have given us his complete financial picture. Given that Trump has several secret tax havens in the Cayman Islands and Bermuda, we will likely never know the extent of his holdings or of the other unorthodox appetites he quenches with that money. However, the Anonymous hack did succeed in giving Americans a better understanding of the Republican candidate.
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Orbson Rice is the author of the book “Exposing My Orbs: The Rise of a Liberal Satirist” and the “Creator” of the blog “The Orbson Oracle” which is thoroughly offensive, often thoughtful and occasionally funny. Stroke your mouse and visit the Oracle to read more or befriend him on Facebook.
Photograph of Guy Fawkes Mask courtesy of Anonymous Editor
Photograph of Trump by: Michael Vadon