Local Fundamentalists Celebrate ‘Earth’s 6,283rd Birthday’ For Earth Day

Now, while many scientists estimate the earth is roughly 4.5 billion years old, there are still groups of people on this planet who believe Earth is only about 6,000 years old. These people are religious fundamentalists, predominantly of the Christian faith.

When a group of local fundamentalists in Piedmont, North Dakota heard that Earth Day was coming up, they sprung into action to throw the planet a birthday party. Which, of course, is what they assumed Earth Day is, and not a day to remember to be mindful that we only have one planet, so we better treat it well.

Coming from three area churches, the fundamentalists put together a party and made a giant cake which held 6,283 candles. One candle for each year these folks believe the earth has been in existence. One gentleman even quipped, “6,283 years young!”

The group danced and ate cake, of which the burning candles filled the air with a horrible smell and discoloration, and afterwards they left all their trash behind, because after all, the rapture is coming and they don’t have to worry about earthly trash in heaven. Leave it for the heathens.

All in all, the fundamentalists Earth Day Birthday party did more to harm the Earth than help it. Which, in all reality, keeps in tradition with fundamentalists seemingly always doing more harm than good in every facet of life.

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