Paul Ryan Makes It Clear He Really Wants Nothing To Do With Helping America

Happy to stay as Speaker of the House and get nothing accomplished, Speaker Paul Ryan made an announcement Tuesday afternoon that he won’t be seeking the nomination for President of the United States for the Republican party. An announcement that took many off guard, because no really wants him to be president anyway.

Sure, he’s charming and handsome in a Adams Family sort of way, but not in any way prepared for the role of Commander-in-Chief, and he seems to know this himself.

In a statement released after his announcement, he said:

“Listen, it’s not that I’m not flattered that members of my party would think so highly of me to be president, but truth be told, I’m kind of an asshole. I’m really just in this for the attention and benefits. Government benefits are the best and I only work about 40 days a year, if that. It’s a sweet deal. I really don’t want anything to do with helping America, so it’d be greatly appreciated if you all stopped asking. Thanks.”

Now, we all know that Ryan also said he didn’t want to be Speaker, so we as Americans should take this announcement with a grain of salt, but hopefully he sticks to his word.

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