Obama To Send In Seal Team 6 In Attempt To Free Chris Christie

President Obama has vowed to do whatever it takes to try to release former presidential candidate and New Jersey Governor, Chris Christie from this desperate hostage situation.

FBI profilers examined facial expressions and ticks that Christie displayed while standing behind candidate Donald Trump at a recent Republican rally.

“It was clear that there was something very wrong. The pleading and desperation in the mans’ eyes were just the first indicator,” said FBI analyst Bill Cendeck. “We see this kind of thing a lot in hostage and domestic abuse cases. Though it would appear that the victim is free to move about and could escape on their own, the psychological terror that has been inflicted upon them keeps them frozen.”

“It seems Christie has gotten himself into a situation he just can’t get out of on his own,” said the leader of Seal Team 6. “You can see the terror and abuse that man has gone through at the hands of Trump. We can’t allow any American to suffer that way. We’re gonna’ bring him home to Jersey.”

No word yet on how Seal Team 6 plans to extricate Christie but our prayers are with them.

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