GOP Rivals: Trump Only Pretending To Hold Horrific Republican Views

Real Estate mogul Donald Trump’s chief rivals, Senator Ted Cruz (Texas) and Senator Marco Rubio (Florida) are crying foul in the wake of Trump’s seizure of the inside track to the Republican Presidential nomination. Each is pointing to evidence that Trump has not always held the horrific views that characterize the Republican party.

Senator Cruz: “I was a racist dickbag back way before Trump was. I wanted to deny people healthcare way before Trump did. I wanted to get into women’s reproductive business way before Trump did. I wanted to make the lives of homosexuals a living hell way before Trump did. He’s way late to the party.”

Senator Rubio: “He’s only recently chosen disgusting positions concerning racism, women’s health, and forging a theocratic state. I’ve been advocating the horrific things I believe is in my bible way before Trump ever claimed to. The people are smart enough to know who has the more established track record of being a gigantic asshole.”

Other rank and file Republicans concurred, with one adding confidentially that “I had not seen video evidence of Trump saying that Hillary Clinton is a murderous harpy until just a few years ago. Trump now making these detestable statements is just not fair to those of us who have made loathsome comments and taken despicable positions our entire careers.”

Image: screen capture

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