President Obama Declares Last Night’s CNN GOP Debate ‘National Disaster’

After viewing Thursday night’s Republican presidential debate on CNN, President Obama, like most Americans, was absolutely appalled by what he was witnessing. There was name-calling, yelling, abuse, and at times you wondered if you were watching grown men debate or children throwing sand in a sandbox.

Obama, knowing that this sort of display is simply unacceptable, made an emergency declaration Friday morning from the Oval Office.

“It’s clear that what we all witnessed last night from those running for president on the Republican side is something that no one has ever seen before. It was a national embarrassment and the damage severe, with more damage to come if one of these jerks gets into the White House. So, for safety and sanity’s sake I’m declaring last night’s debate a national disaster. Relief efforts are underway already from those who are working steadfast at making sure none of those men become president. I’m also making funds available for those who may have suffered from emotional trauma witnessing their buffoonery. We need to make steps to move or nation forward, not drift backwards with any of these tools at the helm. We will get through this, and the best way to ensure we don’t fall into the hands of these guys is to vote blue this November. I don’t care if you’re pro-Bernie or Hillary, vote blue. If you don’t, you’re just as much as a disaster as what we witnessed last night. Thank you. God bless you, and God bless the United States of America. God help us all.”

Hopefully the president’s message will be heard.

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