Queen Elizabeth Threatens To Place America Under British Rule Again

Dismayed by what she has witnessed in the most recent presidential campaigns, Queen Elizabeth told staffers that if America didn’t straighten out, they would be placed under British rule again.

“We’ve allowed them to have self-rule for over 200 years now and what have they become? The richest nation on earth with the largest gap between rich and poor. They are first in number of prisoners. They are 14th in education, 44th in health care, 26th in infant mortality, 23rd in gender equality and 33rd in internet speeds and they invented the damn thing. The rest of the empire is consistently in the top ten. It’s time to take them back into the fold.”

Were England to try to regain control, they would have easy access through Canada. After all, no one is talking about building a wall there.

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