Obama Vows To Spend Remainder Of Presidency Finding Cure For Republican Insanity

At a private reception held in Los Angeles today, President Obama promised to spend the reminder of his time in office trying to find a cure for Republican insanity.

No press were invited to the event, however Free Wood Post was able to obtain a transcript of the speech the Obama gave to high level Hollywood supporters.

“We have a real mental health problem in this country. When President Reagan defunded and closed all the mental health facilities in this country, he didn’t realize he would be causing real harm to his own party.

I deal with the GOP on a daily basis and, let me tell you it’s getting harder and harder to find anyone in the party that can hold a rational, reasonable discussion.

Let me show you what I mean. Let’s look at the current GOP presidential candidates. First, you have Trump. Trump can’t put a coherent sentence together. He can’t explain how he would achieve any of his goals and when pressed about it he reverts into a petulant child.

And what are those goals? He wants to build a wall between the United States and Mexico and get Mexico to pay for it. To him that’s solving the problem. What he forgets is that the United States has four borders. Apparently, he has never heard of boats, although I hear he owns several.

He wants to round up Muslims and put them in camps. He wants more waterboarding and worse. What’s worse? It he going to drag a guillotine onto the White House lawn? And just this week he called for the assassination of foreign leaders he doesn’t like. This is a man running for president and people are voting for him.

What about Canadian Ted Cruz? Here you have a guy that thinks he is the messiah. Really, his father anointed him. He wants a Christian theocracy. He claims to love the Constitution but if he’s read it he clearly doesn’t understand it. This nation was built on religious freedom.

Next, Ben Carson. If he manages to stay awake for the next primary maybe he’ll get some votes. He’s a scientist that doesn’t believe in evolution or climate change and he seems incapable of walking out on a stage on time. Something a four-year old in a tutu at a ballet recital manages to do every day.

Finally, Rubio the robot. The name is apt. If you don’t have an original thought in your head you have to keep repeating your twenty second sound bite on a continuous loop.

Crazy right? What’s even crazier is they are getting support.

I guess we can be happy Fiorina is out. She believes everything she sees including badly edited Planned Parenthood hack jobs. She’s probably at home right now terrified the chem trails or chupacabra are going to get her.

This is actually serious. There is a virulent strain of insanity attacking the Republican party and I vow here and now, to spend the remainder of my presidency trying to find a cure for it.”


Image: Flickr

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