God Starting To Rethink Whole ‘Free Will’ Thing


Recent reports suggest that God, the Creator of the Universe, has been starting to have a change of heart about granting humans free will. A confidant has revealed that he has been wavering a bit on the subject for millennia, but only in the last six months has he started to strongly consider the possibility that free will has been a gigantic mistake.

An excerpt from an upcoming issue of Supreme Being Weekly supports such assertions:

“I don’t know…it seemed like a pretty good idea at the time…Make man in my own image…with smaller penises of course…Let him do as he wished…I guess I always figured they’d do the right thing, mainly. And when I had to drown them all, I figured it was just because they were new to all of this. Noah’s family seemed all right. I thought things would get better. Sure, vast regions of the globe are undernourished, are hit with deadly natural disasters, and are enduring ceaseless wars…But even in some of the most prosperous places with endless educational opportunities we’ve got fucking assholes killing people. Me Fucking Christ! Back when they were hairy cavemen they’d hit each other over the heads with the occasional rock or mammoth bone, but they were just putting together a decent system of grunts for communication and sometimes there were misunderstandings. I like to think I can own up when I make a mistake…usually it’s nothing that a bit of genocide can’t fix, but My Me, what have these beings become?”

Free Wood Post asked that our contact information be passed to God should He decide to make any further statement regarding the issue.

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