Trump Shows Childhood Bible At Conservative Summit, Denies Writing “Loser” Throughout Text

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At the Values Voter Summit in Washington on Friday, Donald Trump produced his childhood Bible in an attempt to sway those in attendance who might question his purported Christian faith. Trump passed the tattered book through the audience, offering them to “touch the sides” to prove it was real, “just like Peter did.” Trump offered that it was given to him by his “very religious” mother, who also delivered a virgin birth.

Many were impressed that he obviously keep the Lord’s word so close to his heart as to have kept the ages old book. But still others pointed to nearly 4000 blotches of what appeared to be White-Out throughout the entire text, sometimes seen in multiple instances per page. Trump said they were notes of a personal nature, which he incorporated into his later book “The Art of the Deal.” But at least one person in attendance suggested that he could see the word “loser!” more than several times under the dried correction fluid.

When asked about the white blotches, Trump responded defensively, “To question someone’s faith really is about the most despicable thing a person can do. I’m a Christian, and I would never deny it once, let alone three times like Matthew.” When the Bible was returned to him, he carefully placed it back into its “Trump University” book jacket, waved to the crowd, and left the podium.

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