No Regrets Shampoo Contains Military Grade Chemicals


No Regrets shampoo is using U.S. Army technology to create a cleanser that not only cleanses your hair but washes away regret.

The strong chemicals (which are classified under the Patriot Act) were developed by the military to brainwash enemy combatants; effectively wiping their minds clear so the military could implant whatever information they wanted.

Using a diluted version of the formula, “No Regrets” a subsidiary of the Koch Industries Inc.; promises customers that if used within 24 hours of an event you wish to forget their shampoo will erase your memory of said event.

Imagine, no more walk of shame. No more terrible family holidays involving cheap beer and overly-political relatives. No more bad first dates with that guy with the lazy eye and unicorn obsession. No more swearing uncontrollably at your boss.

It’s not that they didn’t happen. You will just be blissfully unaware.

There are no studies as to the effects of long-term usage of the product.

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