In an effort to help relieve drought stricken California, Governor Brown has issued an executive order banning all masturbation while showering.
According to a recent Caltech study, the typical man spends an average of 5 extra minutes in the shower soaping the torpedo. An average shower pumps out between 2 and 2.5 gallons of water per minute. “The math is pretty simple,” states the studies leader, J. Gherkin, “According to the 2014 Census, there are 19,401,250 men in California. With a conservative estimate of a shower using 2 gallons of water per minute; you’re looking at 38,802,500 gallons of water per minute. Now factor the amount of water usage for the extra 5 minutes of shower time and you’re at 19,0125,000. With the extraordinarily conservative view that a man only pleasures himself three times per week, the number of gallons going down the drain leaps up to 570,375,000.”
With an 11 trillion gallon deficit in the state, the Governor’s ban won’t completely solve the problem but it will get the state closer.
When asked how the ban would be enforced, the Governor’s aide said, “There is a reward system attached to the order. Mothers, wives, girlfriends or significant others will be given cash incentives for turning in offenders. Much like our financial incentive program for replacing lawns with drought tolerant plants.”
Okay, boys time to go old school. Perhaps the Governor will add tube socks to the incentive program.