According to early reports, popular rapper Kanye West has been admitted to a Los Angeles hospital due to a serious rectal blockage. Allegedly, West got his own head lodged in his rectum, causing severe spinal and intestinal injuries and further brain damage.
Dr. Dean Rueter, Kanye’s surgeon, was able to comment on the matter.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” he said, chuckling. “Sorry,” he added. “This is a very, uh, unusual injury, so my staff and I are still working on the easiest and safest way to help him. The biggest problem we’re facing is the size of Kanye’s head. It’s so big that we’re not sure if we’ll ever get it out.”
Kim Kardashian, Kanye’s giant, talking plastic doll, accompanied him to the hospital.
“I just don’t understand how this happened,” she said through tears. “He’s always been able to get his head out of my ass, no problem.”
According to Kardashian, West’s surgery was put on hold when Dr. Rueter was called out of the operating room for a more emergent situation.
Says Kardashian, “The nurse came in and said that she needed the doctor immediately to assist her with a child whose tonsils had been removed.
“She said that she was going to let the doctor finish, but she really needed him to find some chocolate ice cream for the child, who didn’t care for the vanilla.”
Kanye’s personal assistant, Jordan Mendez, joined Kardashian at the hospital five hours after West’s admittance.
“Kanye’s in a very tight, shitty situation,” he said. “Our hearts are straining. Our best hope is that he can pull through.”
For once, West was unavailable for comment.