Rick Perry Forming Exploratory Committee to Locate and Retrieve Head From Rectal Cavity



In what many are pointing to as related to a possible 2016 Presidential run, former Texas Governor Rick Perry has recently made quite a few speaking appearances throughout the country. But just recently, Perry has officially formed an exploratory committee to attempt to locate and retrieve his head from his rectal cavity.

“We ran into some trouble last time around. Almost put my foot in my mouth… you know… if I had actually opened my mouth in time. But that’s all spilled milk under the bridge at this point. We just want to make sure nothing like that or possibly worse happens again, so I’ve got the glasses on now. But my advisors are telling me that no one has won the Presidency with their actual head up their ass. I tend to disagree, but I’m just going with what the professionals are telling me. We’ve done some polls, and people are saying I look smarter with the glasses, even though I haven’t said anything even remotely resembling an intelligent thought since I’ve started wearing them. I’ve been told to just keep repeating the phrase “economic miracle” and see how that goes.

Thankfully, I don’t think anyone remembers anything I did or said in the last campaign…and I’d bet just about anyone you talk to would say that this is a totally different candidate this time around. Night and Day. A far more polished, prepared, scholarly statesman. I think anybody you’d ask would agree. “

Despite a lengthy public search, Free Wood Post was unable to locate any such people referenced by Perry. Our staff will keep looking and report if necessary, however.


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