American Voters: Things Were Getting Too Good, Time To Crash The Economy Again

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After six years of lowering the deficit, giving millions of people access to health care, ending two wars, getting Bin Laden, 55 straight months of private sector job growth, the stock market at record highs, gas prices dropping, marriage equality spreading across the nation, etc. many Americans decided things were getting too good.

“All I could think over the past year was, whoa America, slow your roll!” said Hank from North Carolina. “I mean, how long can this success last? We might even start looking good again to other nations. We can’t have that! Those other nations need to stay away! It was time to do something about it this midterm, so I voted a straight red Republican ticket. Soon we’ll be faltering again, driving up the deficit, losing jobs, and crashing the economy. Things will get back to the way it used to be before Obama got into office.”

Mary from Kentucky said, “I really just want the wealthy to have more money and control every aspect of our economy. I don’t care if I’m getting by living on stringed beans and generic pasta seven days a week after working four jobs because no one pays me more than minimally required, the wealthy need the money more. They need to be able to purchase more elections. I certainly can’t afford to buy politicians, so someone has to.”

“Success makes me nervous,” said Paul from Wisconsin. “I’d rather leave that to other people. You know, in nations that care about their citizens well-being and use their tax dollars for the greater good, instead of just funneling it to the already wealthy.”

It seems many Americans across the nation had the same sentiment as several Senate seats switched to red, as well as several gubernatorial seats.

Don’t worry, concerned citizens. With the GOP back in the majority, it’s only a matter of time before we hit the shitter again and the economy crashes.

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