Obama’s Italian Coffee Addiction Exposes European Fascist Roots

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This is clearly a time of great chaos—ISIS, Ebola, and now an American President with a foreign palate. President Obama sent conservatives into a rage earlier this week when he stepped off of Marine One, failing to put his coffee down before saluting the Marines who greeted him below. If it couldn’t get any worse, it did. Further evidence suggests that Obama was drinking foreign coffee. Reporters on the scene revealed that they received a strong whiff of dark aromatic coffee that could easily be traced to the Italian roasting process. After receiving numerous inquiries, the White House finally confirmed that the President was indeed sipping on espresso produced by the Italian coffee company, Illy.

 

Fox News was quick to jump on the story, taking to the streets to interview your “average Joe.” “The President needs to know that this is America! You can’t hold coffee when saluting, and you sure and hell shouldn’t be drinking European fascist coffee. This country was founded on dumping European tea! We should dump the foreign coffee too!” said proud American Bob Buckles. “The President clearly thinks he’s above us. What, he can’t drink Folgers? He’s got to be all European and elitist? “

The President’s foreign caffeine fix is one of many issues that will continue to plague his last term in office. As he sits in bed at night pondering questions related to foreign policy and the economy, we certainly hope that he prioritizes a shift in his coffee sipping etiquette.

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