GOP Votes To Keep Their Sugar Daddies


In a vote that would overturn the Citizens United decision, many Republicans got queasy at the thought of losing all their unlimited cash.

Not to worry though, Republicans came through and get to keep their Sugar Daddies like Charles and David Koch after all.

“It really came down to what I feel is necessary for the country, and that is for me to win elections and reap the rewards of voting in favor of my Daddies,” said Senator Lindsey Graham in an exclusive interview with Free Wood Post.

Senator Ted Cruz even went to far as to lie about satire to get his way, as though limitless cash into the political process was the same thing as a time-old art used to point out the absurdity of people such as himself.

“I need that cash,” said Senator Marco Rubio. “Otherwise people may notice how horrible I really am, never voting in the best interest of the American people. If my Sugar Daddies were taken away from me, I’d be all on my own… whose interests would I protect then? Whose? The American people? Ha! They can’t pony up the same cash as my Daddies. I serve them and them alone.”

Senator John McCain stated, “After my screw up choosing Palin it’s my Daddies who I rely upon to make sure I get elected time and time again. My record of sane decisions isn’t all too great on my own. That’s why I rely on my Daddies to make them for me.”

The decision to keep limitless cash in elections was straight down party lines with the Democrats standing up for democracy and Republicans strongly opposed.

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