Man Who F*cked Up Iraq Criticizes Man Piecing It Back Together

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If there’s anyone who knew how Iraq would turn out, it’s Dick Cheney, yet he pushed for the war anyway. Now, he can’t seem to stop criticizing President Obama who’s currently trying to stop ISIS from devouring the region. A region that was left up for grabs because the US invaded, occupied, and created a power vacuum.

“It’s not my fault,” said former Vice President Dick Cheney in an exclusive interview to Free Wood Post. “It’s President Obama’s fault for not cleaning up the disaster fast enough. Look at it this way… oil is good, contracts are good, the money is amazing, but the mess we left in Iraq is bad, and who was the President to fulfill the timeline for exit President Bush created? President Obama. Who is the current president? President Obama. So it’s obviously his fault. The whole thing. He’s terrible at foreign policy. He’s also terrible at cleaning up after lunch. I ate an egg salad sandwich that mostly ended up all over the floor, but President Obama was nowhere in sight coming by with a broom or a paper towel to clean up the mess that was made. Again… it’s his fault. He should’ve known I’d make a mess and been there waiting for it to happen and then cleaned it up as fast as possible. He’s probably off somewhere “planning” (airquotes). Planning schmanning… he should just do as we and Bush Jr… err.. I mean President Bush did…. which is profit, I mean attack now and leave the mess to the next guy, or girl as it may seem. He needs to go back into Iraq and score some more contracts… I mean… err… get rid of ISIS as soon as possible.”

Cheney then disappeared into the night leaving behind the faint smell of burning oil, incense, and despair.

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