Democratic Party Emails: “Donate Now Or Get Lemon Squeezed In Your Eyes”

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The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC) is in a giant push for donations, and pulling out all the stops.

The DCCC is leaving their strategy of begging or guilting people into donating and has now begun threatening people.

The most recent round of emails includes threats of slashing the tires of those who don’t donate, squeezing lemon in eyes, and/or lighting bags of dog poo on fire and leaving it at the front door in an advanced version of Ding Dong Ditch.

The DCCC must really be hurting for money since they don’t even have the funds for a proper donation and digital strategist and have decided to instead hire a group of nine-year-olds to get the job done, which explains the repeated “are we there yet”-like barrage of emails.

With the first of the month coming, hopefully things will lighten up and the DCCC can reassess their current strategy to include adult professionals who may actually know how to properly solicit funds.

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