Rick Perry Reveals His Plan For Iraq

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Not that anyone really asked him, but Governor Rick Perry (R-TX) has let the world know what he would do in regards to escalating violence in Iraq.

“My idea is three-fold — First, I would leave my post as Governor of Texas and find the nearest phone booth. Which, quite honestly, is hard to do these days due to the popularity of mobile devices. Then I would tear open my shirt revealing my true identity as Super Perry, rip off my glasses that I wear to conceal my identity, and then shout, “To infinity and away!” I would then soar across the sky over to Iraq and let ISIS know who’s boss.”

Free Wood Post asked Gov. Perry if he can really fly he said, “Well I can’t show you that, that may reveal who I am to our enemies.” We then let him know that he had already revealed his identity as “Super Perry” to which he responded, “Who told you?!” When we said, “you did” he called us liars.

“I’m really tired of the liberal media bending my words,” said Perry.

When questioned if he thinks his plan would really work, or if he’s just trying to inflate himself for the 2016 presidential election he responded, “How dare you ask such a preposterous question. Of course my plan will work. Just like having no zoning laws keeps Texans safe from explosions, and our textbooks create the best and the brightest.”

When asked if he should probably come up with a plan that gathered the global community, assessed risks and damages, and included Congress he said, “Dang it, don’t mince issues… I’m gonna clobber them with my super powers.”

So there you have it.

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