As this year’s college graduating class prepares to start paying off their $30-50k in student loans, the Republican Party is offering some words of wisdom.
“It’s very important that each and every college graduate doesn’t know math, science or history,” remarked one Congressional Republican. “Rather, they need to know the difference between a Venti and Grande size at Starbucks since we refuse to improve the economy while Obama is still in office.”
And since 13.6% of Americans ages 25 to 34 are living with their parents on the account of lack of economic opportunity and high cost of home ownership, another Republican had these words of wisdom.
“Honestly, the best jobs right now are being a member of Congress,” said another Congressional Republican. “So the best thing for today’s college grads to do is to install a deadbolt on their parents’ basement’s doors. “
Republicans also hope that college grads make sure to thank the good people at Sallie Mae at their commencements.