Endangered Bald Eagle Shot During Alleged ‘Tea Party Gun Rally’

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FIELDBURG, TENNESSEE — Violence broke out at an alleged gun rally being held by local Tea Party group on Saturday. The rally was being staged to “Stop Obama From Stealing Guns Away From Patriots,” as one protest sign stated. Two hundred or more Tea Partiers were expected to turn out for the rally according the organizing groups website. However, when only 3 showed up to the designated meeting place, a 7/11 parking lot, things got out of hand.

Eye-witness reports state that the three men got very drunk and belligerent, shouting about 2nd amendment rights and waving their guns around. Patrons of the Coco’s restaurant nearby became alarmed and called authorities. Police were too late however, as an endangered American Bald Eagle flying over the parking lot, was shot down by the trio.

The eagle, named Liberty, was part of a nesting pair being used by the nearby Tennessee Valley Eagle Sanctuary to help bolster the dwindling eagle population.

The US Continental Congress chose the bald eagle as the national emblem in 1782. It is a federal crime, punishable by fines and prison to in any way harm or disturb a bald eagle. The noble bird was on the verge of extinction by the 1940’s due to the pesticide DDT. However, thanks to the breeding efforts of sanctuaries such as the Tennessee Valley Sanctuary, their numbers have been steadily rising. Their greatest threat now would seem to be drunken gun rights advocates rather than pesticides.

The police have not yet charged the three suspects as they are awaiting an autopsy of the bird. Since all three men were firing wildly at the bird, they must first determine which of them fired the fatal shot. The police report did disclose that two of the men had felony records and should not legally have been in possession of firearms in the first place.

As expected, the incident has polarized both Republicans and Democrats. National Rifle Association (NRA) spokesman Wayne LaPierre was quick to comment on the issue. “We can’t let an accident like this give fuel to the fire of Obama Democrats that seek to seize all our weapons. The Constitution guarantees our right to bear arms. The death of some stupid bird shouldn’t change that.”

Liberty died at 3:06pm in a 7/11 parking lot.

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