Top CEO: Raising Pay and Upward Mobility Takes Away Our Ability To Control Everything

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NEW YORK, NY — In an apparent admission of the real reason behind the pushback on the minimum wage, Gruffington Monacle of Opulencical, Inc. revealed giving more pay to employees would take away the ability for the super-elite to control everyone.

“How would we bridle everyone?” said Monacle in an exclusive interview with Free Wood Post. “We overwork and underpay everyone because we need to keep everyone in check. Raising pay and upward mobility takes away our ability to control everything. We need all the money at the top. Who else is going to buy our legislators? The middle class? Har har! What, and have things like quality education, health care for all, and fewer wars? Who wants that? We’ve worked very hard at keeping the status quo for everyone else, maintaining their complacency, and getting them to bend to our every wish just because they’re happy to have a job. Now they want to be paid more? No no no. That’s poppycock. We can’t let people have the eventual chance to be our competition and step on our toes lowering our profit margins. Never!”

It will be interesting to see how other top executives react to Monacle’s divulgence.

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