An innocent celebration turned chaotic Thursday as Tea Party demonstrators descended on Tucson, Arizona to protest the newly built Arizona Thespian Center. Led by Minnesota Senator Michele Bachmann, the protesters interrupted the ribbon cutting ceremony for the 1200-seat performing arts center by screaming a series of homophobic expletives, throwing objects at participants and threatening to “burn that building of sin to the ground”. Or as they would call it, doing God’s work.
The participants of the ribbon cutting ceremony seemed stunned by the attention and tried to get rid of the protestors by pointing out that thespians are just actors. This drew a hearty cheer from Bachmann who stated, “Exactly! They are just pretending to be thespians. There is something mentally wrong with them but we can help.” Bachmann and her Tea Party volunteers began handing out leaflets for Bachmann’s “Pray Away the Gay” clinic and shouted to the crowd, “For only ninety-nine easy payments of $99.99 you can be healed. You can be clean in God’s eyes!”
Tensions quickly escalated as the Tea Partiers grew louder and angrier and the Thespian Center’s attendees ignored them and began singing “Seasons of Love” from the musical Rent. Ultimately, police arrived and calmed the situation by removing the incensed Bachmann. An officer asked why she was even there in the first place as she was a Senator from Minnesota not Arizona. Taking a page from Sarah Palin she replied, “Of course I should be here, Arizona and Minnesota are practically neighbors. I’m not going to wait until this travesty reaches my front door before I act.” The officer merely shook his head and mumbled something about needing to take Bachmann to a Pray Away the Stupid facility. Unfortunately, Arizona closed their last remaining Pray Away the Stupid facility in 2011 so he’ll probably have to drive her to New Mexico.
Despite the tumultuous ribbon-cutting ceremony, the Arizona Thespian Center opened to a full house with a rousing performance of Andrew Lloyd Weber’s Jesus Christ Superstar. Tickets for future events can be purchased from the ATC box office or online at www.notarealticketsitestupid.com.
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Orbson Rice is the author of the book “Exposing My Orbs: The Rise of a Liberal Satirist” and the “Creator” of the blog “The Orbson Oracle” which is thoroughly offensive, often thoughtful and occasionally funny. Stroke your mouse and visit the Oracle to read more or befriend him on Facebook.
photo by: Fibonacci Blue