Mother Claims Fox News Killed Her Son

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Claire Middleton is living through every mother’s worst nightmare. A child lost in the prime of life. While many mothers have faced this tragedy, Mrs. Middleton’s case is a little different. She claims Fox News killed her eighteen-year-old son, Brad. The Middleton family has since filed suit against the media empire.

FWP managed to obtain copies of the Middleton’s sworn statement for the impending court case. According to the documents, Brad Middleton was a typical teenager. He excelled at school and he had a great love of animals and had aspirations to be a veterinarian. He had applied to U.C. Davis’s renowned school of veterinary medicine and had been accepted with a scholarship for the fall. However, toward the middle of Brad’s senior year the Middleton’s began to notice a change in their son.

“…He stopped hanging out with his lifelong friends and started hanging around with the wrong crowd. He joined the young Republicans. When we asked him about it he said he was ‘just experimenting’. We raised our children to be open-minded so we didn’t think much of it at the time. We just thought he was learning different points of view…”

“…Then he started watching Fox News and things took a terrible turn for the worst. He stopped caring for his dog Rufus and turtle Alginon. He said they were ‘free-loaders’ and a drain on society. My husband Tony and I were appalled when he told us he wanted to give up his scholarship for veterinary school so that he could go to Wharton to become a hedge fund manager…”

“About a month later I found a poster of Sarah Palin wearing a bikini and holding a machine gun taped to the inside of his closet door. I suggested he take it down as it was, in my opinion, a degrading picture. He wouldn’t listen and said that a women’s opinion didn’t matter. He said I should just shut-up and go the kitchen and make him a sandwich…”

“Things really escalated after that. He was watching Fox News at all hours. He didn’t even try to hide it anymore. He stopped reading entirely. He became paranoid and angry at everything. We tried to get him help but when Tony tried to get him to turn off the TV in his room and go to the doctor, he became violent and screamed over and over, “You’re not going to get me in front of one of those Obamacare death panels.”

“…It was the morning of March 11, when we found him. He hadn’t come out for breakfast. We found him sitting on his bed, his eyes glazed, fixed on the TV screen where Bill O’Reilly droned on and on…”

Brad Middleton was pronounced brain dead at 11:52am. The medical examiners report concluded that lack of intelligent stimulus deprived the boys’ brain of oxygen. He died a slow agonizing death filled with confusion and anger.

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