Chief Justice Roberts: “We’re not here to represent the poor”


The Supreme Court made a decision today which decided an individual’s ability to contribute to an election. Any person can now donate until their little heart desires in hopes of getting their desired results.

What this means, however, is that those with the most money have more pull and more of a voice within an election. One person could, in essence, drown out the voices of millions with their millions of dollars.

Chief Justice John Roberts said, “We are here to make it as easy as possible for the wealthy who made sure we were appointed get a bigger say in elections. We’re not here to represent the poor. What have they ever done for us? This is a decision that will secure a conservative Supreme Court, hopefully, for decades to come. We’re not in the business of just tossing around free speech willy nilly. That speech must be purchased, and I’m sorry, if you don’t have the bread, we won’t hear what you said.”

This ruling furthers the precedent that the wealthy have more power in this nation than other average every day Americans. Some average, middle class Americans are defending the ruling though. They believe that they will have the same amount of speech one day, even though they don’t have it now. They are defending their future right to suppress the poor.

“If I want to donate unlimitedly to a party I should be able to,” said Ned Fetherfoot of Piedmont, North Dakota. “I only make $35,000 a year, but I still want to be able to give all I have to politics. It’s a wise decision, I believe. One day I’ll be a kajillionaire too, and I want to be able to purchase my own election as well.”

When Free Wood Post told Ned that his current voice is being drowned out by megadonors he said, “good, that’ll be me one day.” We explained that the current powers that be are hell bent at not making that happen he said, “Bull shit. I have freedoms. As long as that Marxist Obama doesn’t step on my toes, I’ll be just fine.” After that we just said, “Okay, you have a good day sir.”

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