Paul Ryan: “Food Stamps are Unnecessary, Trickle-Down Nutrition Works”

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Speaking before yesterday’s weekly GOP luncheon at Le Petit Diable, Congressman Paul Ryan spoke about the rampant fraud within SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) and his desire to eliminate the program permanently:

“Last week we cut $8.7 billion from the food stamp program falling well short of the $40 billion cut we requested. As a nation, we need to stop feeding the immorality and stomachs of the these inner-city leeches that use and abuse this program . Good, honest, hard-working people do not use SNAP. They understand that food stamps are unnecessary, because trickle-down nutrition works.”

This is the first time the idea of “trickle-down nutrition” has been presented and when asked about the concept, Ryan replied, “There is a lot of food that goes to waste in this country. Just last night I only finished half of my Roasted Duck with Balsamic Glaze. It was taken back to the kitchen and likely thrown away. That is waste. The wait staff and dishwashers could have eaten it. No need for food stamps and no need for a higher minimum wage. So long as the wealthy are fed well, the scraps will find their way down to the lower classes. I repeat, trickle-down nutrition works!”

Ryan may be right about the inefficacy of the food stamp program. Even though it has been proven that incidents of food stamp fraud are actually lower than other large government programs, it still exists. Now it could be argued that “76% of SNAP households included a child, an elderly person, or a disabled person” and yes those households make up 83% of all SNAP distributed benefits. I’ll even concede that the average gross income of recipients is only $14,648 for a family of three. What these numbers fail to tell you however is that many of the recipients are simply lazy and can’t be bothered to check the dumpster of the local restaurants for perfectly good food. In fact, there’s no wonder that SNAP breeds fraud. With massive benefits of $1.50 per person per meal you have to ask yourself, does any child really need that much money for food? Sure, the average SNAP family runs out of funds the third week of each month, but that is just because they’re buying luxury foods like milk, vegetables and fruit. If they stuck with Ramen noodles and soda pop they wouldn’t have a problem.

Just like trickle-down economics has created unprecedented wealth and opportunity for the middle class, trickle-down nutrition can feed our nation’s hungry. Or as Paul Ryan expressed, “If it’s good enough for my dog, it’s good enough for my constituency.” As for the future of SNAP, if only one person is found abusing the program, clearly the entire thing should be scrapped. Of course by that logic, we may need to take a hard look at Congress next.

 

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Orbson Rice is the author of the book “Exposing My Orbs: The Rise of a Liberal Satirist” and the “Creator” of the blog “The Orbson Oracle” which is thoroughly offensive, often thoughtful and occasionally funny. Stroke your mouse and visit the Oracle to read more or befriend him on Facebook.

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