Over Half of Chimpanzees Reject Idea of Common Ancestry With Ken Ham

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Fresh on the heels of a Pew Research Center poll showing that 33% of Americans do not believe in evolution and a common ancestry between humans and apes, a new poll of chimpanzees shows that more than 50% reject the idea of common ancestry with president of Answers in Genesis and the Creation Museum owner Ken Ham.

“You must be joking” said one chimp, using a new thought-to-speech technology developed by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

“A common ancestor? No way. He’s so weak! And stupid! And he only walks on two feet. And his front feet are deformed. But I don’t like making fun of anyone’s physical traits, so let’s talk about how stupid he is,” added another survey respondent.

Others added:

“I don’t want want to offend anyone, but his flat face…and his goofy feet! He and his kind eat crap food. And I guess his face kinda looks like ours, but the rest of him is so bald! There’s no way we share a common ancestor.”

“Sure…we may toss our own crap at each other, but you don’t see us building a multimillion dollar museum claiming that dinosaurs lived with people. Even the dumbest orangutans know that’s bullshit! But we really don’t have books or science class or the internet or anything, so what do we know? What’s his excuse?”

But when shown pictures of a shirtless Robin Williams, only a handful of chimps denied the possibility of a common ancestor.

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