One of the biggest debates for the past few years in Washington has been over healthcare. Democrats want everyone to have the opportunity to have access to care, while Republicans remain adamant that the government needs to stay away from the general welfare of the nation, and if you want quality care you should be insanely wealthy.
However, it seems that recently at least one Republican has broken with their base and revealed why they really don’t want any government involvement in health care.
“Well, to be honest, I don’t need health insurance,” said Heidi VonGuster of Nosferatu, Montana. “I, and several like me, have survived centuries on our own. In fact, the only thing we need to survive is a little bit of hemoglobin everyday. You see, we’re vampires, practically indestructible. Just don’t take us out into the sunshine. I feel a personal affront by President Obama insisting that I and those like me, and there are many like us, including in the Republican halls of Congress, purchase health insurance. I mean, it’s just not necessary, and a waste of our money.”
When asked which Republicans in Congress are Vampires, VonGuster replied, “I’m not at liberty to say, but I’ll tell you this, look long and hard at the ones who go long into the night rambling about how they don’t want health reform. You’ll find your answer there.”