Unretouched Photos of Scarlett Johansson Reveal Hideous Truth About Her Body


Unretouched photos of Scarlett Johansson have surfaced which reveal, as many had long suspected, a disgusting body requiring extensive photographic enhancement in order to be found palatable by the public at large.

Investigative reporter Jennifer Rollins on the scandalous pics:

“These are very tough to look at. They categorically prove that the images of Ms. Johansson’s that have been released and heretofore seen in the media are not real and simply the work of Photoshop wizards employed by her Hollywood entourage. Look right here… You can see in the original photo, there’s an obvious shadow removed from her left wrist. In the altered picture, the horrific shadow is completely removed!

In addition to that duplicitous deception, her shirt in the original was blue, and in the final it’s green! Allegedly something to do with a St. Patrick’s Day advertisement. The shirt was blue and you’re trying to say it’s green now? Come on! The American people are not fools!

And to top all of this off, the doctored photo has noticeably changed her grotesque right breast, which is approximately 1% larger…or maybe 1% smaller…one of those…than can obviously be seen in the real photo. When I’m right, I’m right. This is the smoking bullet!”

The implications for Hollywood and, in fact, the entire glamour industry are staggering. Now that Rollins has uncovered the ghastly and shocking truth that so-called beautiful women are actually sometimes wearing differently colored clothes, might or might not possess perfect body symmetry, and often allow shadows to land upon their skin, protective legislation cannot be far behind.

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