Many Republicans Certain We Can End Unemployment By Lowering The Minimum Wage To Five Cents Per Hour

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Several Republicans across the country are truly ready to tackle the issue of unemployment, and many have come together with a plan that is certain to work.

Recently, Free Wood Post caught up with Texas Governor Rick Perry, and U.S. Representative Michele Bachmann (R-MN).

“What’s the issue facing us which prevents businesses from hiring?” said Gov. Rick Perry. “The fact that employees expect to be paid for their labor. Well, I think we can come to a compromise on this and eliminate unemployment nationwide at the same time. While many would like to not pay their employees at all, we all know that isn’t going to fly. However, if businesses across the nation only had to pay their labor force five cents per hour it could put everyone back to work, and no one can accuse us of slave labor. It’s a win-win for everyone. People will be working, and businesses won’t have to invest much in anything but their inventory and their CEO salaries.”

“We’re very excited about the possibilities,” said Rep. Michele Bachmann. “Profits should soar and everyone will be working. It’ll show that President Obama that he was wrong the whole time, and people don’t actually need money to survive, just jobs to serve others… the money will hit them eventually… just you wait… I mean that is what our dear Ronald Reagan said after all.”

Free Wood Post brought to their attention that without proper wages no one will be able to afford anything and would have to rely on government assistance, but since there would be barely any income or sales tax revenue received from such poor wages there wouldn’t be a means to pay for everyone in need. Gov. Perry replied, “Poppycock, that’s just Socialist mumbo-jumbo that is neither here nor there. People can survive off the scraps of the wealthy who are raking in the big bucks, and maybe one day they can earn them big bucks for themselves.”

When we explained that without tax revenue for a proper education and/or training programs no one will be able to get ahead Bachmann said, “proper education is for Marxists.”

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