Surgeon General Warns 99% of Americans May Already Have Virulent Strain of VD


VD is sweeping the country. As many as one-in-ten Americans may be infected by this insidious disease and not be aware. The reason for this, the Surgeon General warns, “The strain is particularly contagious and the symptoms vary by individual.”

The list of symptoms include: acute depression, poor body image, uncontrolled crying, abnormal cravings for sweets; chocolates in particular, spontaneous wealth leakage; an uncontrollable urge to spend money of frivolous items such as flowers and teddy bears and binge drinking.

On the flip side, a rare 1% of those affected have somewhat pleasant symptoms which include: a warm feeling, a tingling in the extremities and an overall sensation of bliss or serenity.

This only serves to annoy those already feeling the negative effects of the disease.

Now being called a pandemic, the disease is expected to reach its peak by Feb 14.

Should you find that you are exhibiting any of these symptoms it is advised that you seek out the company of friends or lock yourself in your home. At all costs, avoid engaging in unprotected time on social networks as this can enflame the problem. It is also advised that patients avoid watching all romantic comedies. Just stay away from anything starring Meg Ryan or Zach Efron.

The good news is this particular strain is a 24-hour bug and will leave your system by Feb 15.

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