West Virginia to Bottle Freedom Flavored Water

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The State of West Virginia has announced plans to join in a venture to bottle its “Freedom Flavored Water” with Freedom Industries.

They are getting calls from the legislators of several states as well as members of Congress to bottle and ship this elixir of freedom and health to their states.

The Koch brothers have endorsed the project as well as several prominent Tea Party members. Texas Senator Ted Cruz said, “Nothing tastes like freedom more than free enterprise.”  Congresswoman Michele Bachmann of Minnesota said, “ I see no reason this marvelous freedom flavored water would not a welcomed addition to our free lunch programs in public schools. I believe that these youngsters have never truly tasted true freedom under the shackles of government assistance and I also think it would make a welcome addition to the Government SNAP program and I will fight for its implementation. Because nothing tastes like freedom more than raw capitalism.”

Several members of Congress and the Senate decried that we should not encourage people to drink water known to be contaminated and this would not be tolerated in areas with more affluence. However, those from states which have had drinking water issues due to fracking have also have been in favor of the Freedom Water initiative citing that “Freedom Water is the taste of jobs, enterprise, capitalism, and American exceptionalism.”

Many claim that so-called scientific studies on the detrimental effects have been disputed by the well-meaning and competent scientists of the coal and gas industries, they have absolutely no reason to deceive the American people. They’ve also stated, that the so-called health benefits on non-freedom enhanced water is still debatable and any study to the contrary is pseudoscience like that of Climate Change.

In response to these endorsements, Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont introduced a bill to make Freedom Water the official bottled water of the U.S. Congress and Senate and to be served in the Capitol cafeteria and all official functions. The bill has received no support or co-sponsors.

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