Republicans Won’t Give an Inch on Keeping Penis Pumps in Spending Bill


Government waste is a major issue in budget talks in the U.S. capital as lawmakers try to reach agreement on a $1 trillion spending bill this week. However, when a report by the inspector general for the Department of Health and Human Services said Medicare, the government health insurance system for seniors, paid $172 million for penis pumps for seniors between 2006 and 2011 and those figures had nearly doubled for 2012; Republicans took a stand.

When it was suggested that Medicare stop paying for penis pumps, thus saving millions of tax-payer dollars and instead divert that money to life-saving treatments, members of the GOP became irate.

House Majority leader John Boehner insisted, “These treatments [penis pumps] are vital for the health and well being of men. If men don’t feel like men they can’t go about the important business of running the country.” He burst into tears and had to leave the floor momentarily as he was so affected by the debate.

Other Congressmen were quick to back the Speaker echoing similar concerns. Rand Paul, suggested cutting all women’s health coverage to cover the expense for the pumps stating, “If they [women] want to get cervical cancer screenings they can pay for it. Why should I as a tax payer have to pay for a disease I could never get.” He was seemingly unaware of his own hypocrisy.

Louie Gohmert of Texas also chimed in. “We’ve got to keep our eye on the ball here and take care of the people that matter. If men can’t take care of business then the human race will go extinct. We have to provide every opportunity for men to spread their seed as the good Lord dictates.”

Although, there are several other available treatments for erectile dysfunction that are covered by Medicare, including Viagra; the Republican Party is intent on keeping the penis pump ( the primary use is penis enlargement) as part of the spending bill. Dems pleaded for negotiation but the Republicans won’t give an inch.

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