On his last radio show yesterday, Rush Limbaugh went on a lengthy rant about a horrifying new practice that his production team has discovered is sweeping the country.
“This is disgusting. This is way worse than ‘the knockout game.’ You’re not going to believe this, but there are children, all across this great country of America, who have systematically infiltrated shopping malls…and I know you probably don’t know this…but this is why we do the show…they’ve systematically infiltrated shopping malls across America and hijacked decorative Christmas trees inside these malls, which are attempting to pay homage to the birth of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior as well they should…and what they are doing…they are attaching notes to the trees, asking for Christmas gifts…literally begging for handouts for Christmas right inside the mall…where there are plenty of places to buy all kinds of things… instead of going out and working for their gifts like honest Americans. These kids, and their liberal parents have probably put them up to this…this is what you get in Obama’s socialist America…they are asking for specific gifts, to be paid for by honest shoppers.
The gall of this kind of panhandling, to ask specifically for a gift. We, here at the show, obtained some of these notes left by these shiftless kids. Here’s one – ‘I want some bread so that my mom can eat since she always gives me her share.’ Another one… ‘I’d like my sister to have a doll because she’s never had one.’ Begging for a family member who’s too lazy to even beg for herself! And this one… ‘I don’t have anything, but that’s OK, I just want peace on earth.’ Well, you’ll get nothing and like it, Tiny Tim. Remember Tiny Tim, the little whiny kid from one of those whiny liberal movies? Whatever, it’s not important. What is important is that these kids…they’re basically terrorizing the malls…and make no mistake… This IS terrorism because malls are the symbol of America and capitalism and everything that liberals like these are out to disrupt.
So I’m not going to stand by and let these kids literally destroy the fabric of America and what makes Christmas so special. I’m doing what I can…informing the public…to go out to these malls and do whatever it takes to get rid of all of those tags!”
Limbaugh has not received a Christmas present in 13 years.