In a phone interview with Fox News’s “Fox & Friends” Monday, Donald Trump spoke about possibly running for governor of New York against incumbent Andrew Cuomo. “This is something that just came up and I am strongly considering it, ” said the real estate aficionado.
“It’s not what I was planning on doing, but millions upon millions of people have been begging me to rescue the state from the disaster it’s in. I’ve heard some people talking that the state could go bankrupt at some point if some things happen in some ways. Bankrupt! Can you imagine the personal shame of bankruptcy? I can only assume that it’s unimaginable! In fact, I just received a call from very concerned citizens yesterday afternoon while drinking my Trump Tea, available at all of your finest retailers, and I was stocking a few bottles of Trump Ice, made with the finest spring water available, in my office refrigerator. I had also just finished off a delicious Trump Steaks porterhouse cut, which can be shipped with dry ice to anywhere in the continental United States for one flat shipping rate. Flat like taxes should be!
But I’m not sure if some of my wildly successful enterprises could succeed without my full time effort focused on them. First, you’ve got the award-winning and wildly popular “The Apprentice”, “Celebrity Apprentice”, and “All Star Celebrity Apprentice”, which can be seen on NBC at all times. It’s NBC’s biggest show in history. I’m not sure the network would even be in existence at this point if the “Apprentice” shows hadn’t been floating the entire network for the last two decades. Then I’m not sure how I’d be able to keep Trump University at the top of the list of online Ivy League-type schools in America, for those who really want to succeed in life, as determined by Trump Magazine. Have I told you that I have a gorgeous supermodel wife, Melania, who also has a genius IQ like I do? And one of the reasons I was able to close that deal was that I was wearing what is now Trump: The Fragrance. Smell like a million bucks. You can do it too, folks.
Some people think that I listen to heartfelt Americans about vacancies in electoral office just to promote my business adventures like my several Trump Golf courses, which have a limited number of memberships still available…Trump Vodka, the smoothest vodka for those with only the rarest taste…or my Trump Modeling Agency. Send in your head shots, ladies. Low priced packages can get you well on your way to fame and fortune in the modeling industry!
Some think I’m just promoting products. Seriously, this is insane. I know, but some people are actually saying this. This is crazy talk, because Trump Home Furnishings, Park Avenue Tastes at off-Broadway prices, practically sell themselves. New Yorkers deserve the best, and if I decide to run and give them the best, I will toast them with a fantastic selection from Trump Winery, the quintessential American luxury winemaker.
Trump says he intends to make this decision with great care and “very soon in the near future on Trump.com, your one-stop portal to the good life,” because he knows that America can simply not stand the suspense.