Contrite Abercrombie & Fitch Will Now Offer Clothes in Size “Cow”, “Walrus”, “Whale”


Abercrombie & Fitch, the controversial retailer known for featuring scantily clad teen models in its advertising, has listened to its critics and has made a significant marketing shift to now include larger sized clothes.

The company was under fire by many consumers and youth advocacy groups after CEO Mike Jeffries said in a 2006 interview that its clothes were more for “cool” and “good-looking” people.

“We’ve heard from our critics, and they are absolutely right. Ugly fatasses have value in this world, too, and they need clothes that look like the ones the skinny, hot people are wearing. If they can’t see how terrible our awesome clothes look on their disgusting bodies, I guess they’ll never change,” said Jeffries.

Starting in 2014, the company will begin offering 3 additional sizes about the currently largest size, labeled “medium”. The new sizes will be “Cow”, “Walrus”, and “Whale”, and will be offered online only and not in retail stores, because fatties.

Hard copies of the new Abercrombie & Fitch “Uggo Edition” catalog can be ordered for $5.99 and will be mailed in a discreet brown paper jacket.


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